One crushed dream

Great. On top of everything else I now have a crushed dream as well.
I entered the X-Factor. They said no. I was okay with that. I mean, I still have college and everything. I'll study, and I'll get somewhere.
But then someone who's supposed to be a part of my family decided to stick his nose in. Told me he knew the outcome of my audition. Told me I can't sing, that I'm shit. He basically told me to 'stop dreaming and grow up.'
What part of having a dream means I'm immature and need to grow up? Everyone has a dream, an aim. Somewhere they want to be. Just because he's gotten nowhere in life. He says he respects me and my family and doesnt want me to do something silly again. He's the cause of me wanting to do something 'silly' again. I was fine until he said something. Everyones intitled to their own opinion. I like constructive critism. But he was just a bastard and was being horrible. He did it, in public, on facebook, where anyone can see. If he wanted to be nice and polite he would have either spoke to me in person, or messaged me on Facebook. Not announced his opinion to everyone.
I was in tears last night. The first time I've cried in a while. Of course I told everyone I was okay. Pretended I was fine, like I wasn't bothered. Of course Im bothered! I'm crushed.
I was so set to end my life last night, and I still don't know what stopped me, why i didn't just end all this pain. I still want to. And don't understand why I'm not doing it.

This next part is quite graphic, so be careful!

I have a plan. It might not work, but it's worth a shot. I have a very very sharp blade in my room. No one will find it, I'm clever like that. It's in a place no one would think to look. I will cut my arm so many times, and so deep that all my blood pours out. I won't try to stop the bleeding like I usually do. I'll let it bleed. I already have an iron deficiency, so loosing a lot of blood right now will be enough to do me in. I'll just let myself bleed out. I can take the pain. It'll be worth it. The pain of living is too much. I can't take it anymore. What's the point?

Fuck off!

Just fuck off!
Everyone, just leave me alone.
I want a little bit of hope, a dream.
I know they may not happen, I know it's far fetched, but I want an aim.
I want something to LIVE for. Something that could happen but everyone keeps turning it into a WONT happen.
FUCK OFF!

Gosh.

I dont know what to do.
My head is completely fucked up right now.
I cant think, I cant feel. I feel empty.
I was meant to go college but I didn't. I dont have the motivation to do anything right now.